Houkago Meme Time
by badartforrecess
Summary: Join in the 100% serious (see: sh*tpost) adventures of Ritsu Tainaka the shining memer, Yui Hirasawa her sister from another mister, Azusa the anal-retentive gangster and Mio, who is just happens to tolerate it all. Oh and Mugi is there somewhere. [Rated M for swearing, drug references, incidents gone sexual, memes. def. crack-fic]
1. Chapter 1

_Just a little context here. This abomination of a fanfiction series started off on Tumblr as a piece of troll writing (it still is though) based on a prompt provided the-keionbu and her #PensReadyMusicSteady, but people actually liked them so I've wrote some more and alas it's kinda a series now. Also, I warn that at least 75% of the things I've written probably don't make any sense because that's what happens when you write on the fly at 2am in the morning. This is pretty much 99% memes and 1% attempt at competent writing so yeah... Anyway here's the introductory stuff that I wrote on Tumblr:_

 _ **So the other day, Kim from the-keionbu made this K-On fanfic prompt thing and I decided to give it a try, before realising that I couldn't write fanfics if my life depended on it and proceeded to give up on it. And yes, this is a pretty troll piece of writing which is obviously 100% serious and in line with canon. Honestly, I've always imagined this AU where Ritsu is a dank memestear, Yui has the female equivalent of a bromance with her, Mugi is the leader of a self-worshipping cult known as the imuginati and Mio is just sick of everyone's crap (there's also Azusa but i don't know where she would fit in).**_

 **Houkago Meme Time I: Thus Bribed Ritsu Tainaka (At The Studio)**

Midnight approached at the recording studio, and it seemed like the light music club's preparatory drink session had turned out worse than usual. It was one of those things that the girls had adopted as apart of their club sessions, a routine act to prepare themselves for the grueling labor of band practice. After all, there was nothing better than hard liquor to psych yourself up to write up some sappy lyrics or render yourself numb to the finger pains from constant shredding.

At most times, these sorts of things went out fine. Sure the girls would be a little dazed after a shot of orange juice but they were still ready to go, ready to play until the Jazz club next door told them to shut the hell up because they did not appreciate such sophisticated songs about ballpoint pens, curry rice and fuwa fuwa times (whatever the hell those were). In fact, they played a little better with a bit of booze in their system, don't ask me why.

However, it seemed that today that the crew had drunk more than their fair share (two shots of orange juice and a glass of water to be exact) and everything had gone to crap. Ritsu was passed out in the studio's bathroom, Azusa was off fighting with the owners of the recording studio (it was one of those ones that you can hire for a period of time. I think they used one in one of the episodes), and Tsumugi, the leader of the Imuginati and the righteous queen of the universe, was nowhere to be seen. The only two left standing were Mio, because she doesn't drink (what a wimp) and Yui, who was still standing albeit a bit tipsy and with bloodshot eyes from smoking that dank weed.

It was late as a release of Mighty No.9 (it's better than nothing), but Mio wanted to practice no matter what; after all, she did use her allowance to pay off the hiring fee for the recording studio. She also wondered why they weren't kicked out of the studio yet (they only hired it for 2 hours starting at 5), maybe it had something to do with a drunk Azusa having a 5 hour standoff with the staff outside. But that mattered little to Mio at the moment, she needed to practice.

"Yui!" Mio called to her drunken guitarist friend.

"Mio, *hic* waddup my homie?" Yui responded.

"Get your guitar and practice with me! I didn't use up a week of money I would usually spend at the Leftorium for nothing"

"Yeah yeah Mio-chan, just let me get mah boi Giita"

And with that, Yui went off to get Giita, her beloved Gibson Heritage Cherry Sunburst Les Paul Standard which was released in 2008 and brought on the basis of being "kawaii desu ne". After that, the Hirasawa girl proceeded to tune it (by ear of course, because anime bullshit) and then hug it, prop it real nice on a chair, set up a candlelit dinner for it, feed it some cake Mugi had brought (somehow) and marry it at the nearest church.

"Yui stop messing around" Mio shouted "do you have any idea what time it is?"

"It's Fuwa Fuwa time motherfu–!" .

Mio was not all amused with Yui's response and proceeded to kick away the table and chair that Yui set up as part of her candlelit dinner with Giita, who was flung up into the air by Mio's act of violence against antique furniture from IKEA. Yui leapt in the air before crashing down to the floor, catching her newlywed husband Giita and moving in for an embrace.

"Yui please, can we get on to practising, even if it's for a minute or until the staff take down Azusa outside!"

Muffled gunshots could be heard from behind the studio walls. Looks like their Kouhai wasn't going to let up.

"Yeah yeah I know Mio-chan, but it's Giita who needs time to get ready" Yui responded with a surprising fluency, putting her guitar's strap around her shoulder. Guess she sobered up quite quickly.

Mio could not comprehend why Yui's guitar, an inanimate instrument, needed to be given a candlelit dinner to get "ready" but at this point she didn't care. With Ritsu POBAR (passed out beyond all reason), Azusa fighting off the studio staff and Mugi (the queen of the universe) nowhere to be seen, the two guitarists set off to practice. Despite the lack of a drum beat, Yui and Mio went well with their practice, going through the riffs of their greatest hits and giving each other help where needed. Even with all the crap she has to deal with, it was moments like these that made Mio glad she was a part of Houkago Tea Time. To see the likes of Yui Hirasawa, an airheaded schoolgirl who had little direction or musical experience prior to joining the light music club, improve by leaps and bounds brought a manly tear to Mio's eye.

The two girls practiced and practiced some more, Yui surprisingly showing some form of concentration as she shredded out Van Halen's "Eruption" without being distracted like usual. It was then that Ritsu, wearing nothing but a "supreme" sweater (cause she was swag AF yo) and holding on to that Frog thing that Yui found in the closet of the music room that one episode, staggered herself out of the bathroom.

"Here come dat boi" shouted Yui to her sister from another mister, Ritsu "Ritsuber" Tainaka Akiyama.

"O shit waddup" Ritsu responded before falling to the floor, clearly still messed up from the drinks she drank and the weeds she danked.

Mio looked down on her drunken wife, who was standing and falling sorta like those baby giraffes that are trying to walk for the first time on those funny animal videos on youtube.

"*Sigh* Ritsu, how did I end up married to this?"

"Tsk tsk Mio, you know you love me"

Ritsu tried standing up one last time, soon regaining her balance but wobbling a little still, and proceeded to look out the door of the studio.

"Oh hey is that Azusa with a gat?" she said with a mouthful of doritos and mountain dew "or is this high still on me?"

"To answer your question, yes that is Azusa but that doesn't matter now, it's time for practice Ritsu" Mio said with a stern voice.

"Yeah yeah whatever. You know Mio, I think you're the best partner a lousy shitposting memelord drummer like me could have but you gotta loosen up sometimes. And besides, this school festival thing isn't for another 2 weeks."

"Yeah yeah Mio-chan" Yui chimed in "the Ritsu cracker is right".

As much as she wanted to practice, Mio felt her will to argue her bandmates into practice waning amidst the stupid crap that was happening around her. She trembled and sniffed a bit, as if she was to break down into tears, but restrained herself from showing any more weakness to the others.

Mio's sadness was picked up on by Ritsu, who wouldn't be so easily tricked by her friend since childhood.

"Mio…" she said as she headed to her drum kit "it's time to practice".

The Akiyama girl was surprised by Ritsu's gentleness and willingness. It usually took a lot to get the drummer to practice, something along the lines of a food bribe or a questionable act.

"But still Mio" Ritsu continued "You gotta loosen up a bit first, And with that, I'll only practice if you hop along for a trip on the pineapple express. Heh, get it? because I'm a freaking pineapple".

Ritsu proceeded to puff out her cheeks like that time she impersonated a pineapple to help Mio get over her nerves about reading her essay a couple years back. Mio had expected Ritsu to give her a joint or something but instead, the drummer's bad impersonation of a tropical fruit summoned a pineapple shaped train which crashed through the walls of the studio like the Koolaid man.

It was then that Mio, sick of everyone's crap, didn't give into the bribe and chose to stop thinking as she rolled into fetal position. Following that, Tsumugi Kotobuki entered the fray and I'm going to end this here because I don't know what else to say to be honest.

 ***** some time later *****

"Earth to Mio-Chan! You okay there Mio?" Yui said, looking down on the fallen bassist.

"What is wrong with you guys what is wrong with you guy what is wrong with you guys what is wrong with you guys..." Mio muttered to herself.

"Ayo!" Ritsu shouted from the studio "Azusa's in jail Mio, so Imma some of your savings to bail her out...actually make that all your savings, because I've been busted for some property damage"

Since then, the Keionbu never went near Orange Juice again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Houkago Meme Time II: Mio and Ritsu's Super Awesome Tricycle Adventure (TURBO EDITION)**

Nowadays, it was rare that Mio and Ritsu had a moment to themselves. With Ritsu being the dank memelord that she is and Yui more or less a sister to her, Mio was often left alone in the corner to cry because nobody cared about her. At times, Yui and the Ritsu cracker were inseparable and would often spend their days chomping on doritos, slurping down mountain dew and blazing that dank weed while they laughed at videos of Mio's "trippy" incident at that one school concert. However, today was different and Mio wanted to seize the opportunity to be with her homodachi turned wife alone. As such, she assessed the situation and made sure that nobody could bother her Ricchan today.

Tsumugi Kotobuki, as expected, was nowhere to be seen for no known reason. Yet, the presence of the saviour still emanated throughout the streets of wherever this crappy piece of writing is set in.

Azusa Nakano, also as expected, was involved with her Wakaba Girls in another shootout, this time against a rival gang known Love Crysis. The exact reasons for said shootout are unknown but it is likely over the fact that Azusa had pointed that the word "Crysis" is actually spelt with a "i" as opposed to an "y" and proceeded to personally call each member of the gang a filthy scrub illiterate before engaging in the scared art of gang warfare.

Yui Hirasawa, the air headed guitarist, was surprisingly without Ritsu on this fine sunny morning. Ritsu herself was surprised when Yui messaged saying she wouldn't be able to hope abroad the pineapple express today because of a date with Giita. It had been a month since Yui's relationship with the guitar had begun and weird as it had seemed, Mio learnt to accept not think much of it like the other weird crap that goes on around her.

And so, Mio had Ritsu all to herself and decided that it was a good day to go to a park, with the closest one being about a kilometre away. While driving would have been the most optimal and efficient means of travel, there were a number of factors to consider:

Mio was too much of a wimp to learn to drive and Ritsu had her license suspended following a incident where she tried to do some "fully sick street racing" after playing "Burnout 3" for 10 hours straight.

Even if Ritsu could drive, her car was still trashed following the "incident". Well, more trashed than usual and now smelling like both smoke and dorito dust.

There was also Yui's "cute Japanese car", but she needed it for her date with Giitah so it wasn't there. Ritsu also swore to the almighty queen Tsumugi Kotobuki that she would never drive that cutesy abomination of an automobile, which she described as the aftermath of when two Volkswagen beetles high on Acid love each other very much.

Azusa had also parked her car nearby Ritsu's house, but its tires were slashed by those meddling Love Crysis kids.

Tsumugi did not have a car for Ritsu and Mio to borrow. Ritsu said that the emperor of the universe was above such peasant-like means of transport.

Upon putting all these factors into consideration and to the umbridge of Ritsu, Mio decided the best way to get to them to the park was with her tricycle which also contained a second set of training wheels, thus making it a Hexacycle. Mio also proceeded to equip herself with a bicycle helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, shoulder pads, shin pads, mouth-guard, tongue guard, hair protector, finger guards, ear guards, arse guard, breast shields, face guard, leg guards, chin guard, chin guard guard, guard for the chin guard guard, and a woolly jumper from the Sawako's latest "Mid-life Crisis" winter collection to top it all off. She also pleaded to Ritsu to follow suit and put on the same safety equipment like a knight putting on their suit of armour.

"But Ritsu" Mio pleaded "You said you would be my knight in shining armour didn't you? Now put this stuff on".

Mio heaved in a bag of safety wear as Ritsu flinched in a way similar to that time Mio threatened to sell her Skrillex CDs and Playstation 4 so she could have some money for the upcoming lefty fair.

"You wot mate?" Ritsu said with disgust "I swear on me mum that I'm not putting none of that on, because then…"

Ritsu paused for a second to a strike a flamboyant pose.

"I wouldn't look fresh as swag" *insert the sound of kids screaming like that time Ritsu finally hit that 420 noscope on MW2*

Finishing her sentence, Ritsu put her own attire, which comprised of a Chicago Bulls snapback, some Gunnar MLG glasses, a supreme sweater, some black Chuck Taylors which went up to the knees, and a necklace with a Pineapple amulet. If you're wondering why I didn't describe any leg-wear like pants or anything, it's because Ritsu didn't wear anything. She had gotten used to the wearing underwear around the house and in fact liked the feeling of the breeze brushing past her legs.

"But Ritsu!" Mio retorted, face beet red as she tried to divert her attention away from her wife's tanned legs, which were still well toned despite the amount of doritos and mountain dew consumed as well as the fact that she played video games for most of her days while she shouted WASSUP! with Yui over the phone. At times, Ritsu had also tried to get Mio to pick up her phone but she wouldn't budge.

"Yeah, I know Mio, you're worried about my safety" Ritsu responded "but that doesn't mean I have to put on all that gear and look like the freaking stay puft marshmallow man. Have you ever seen a pineapple flavoured marshmallow, or a marshmallow flavoured pineapple, or a pineapple marshmallowed flavour?"

Mio gave in and sighed in defeat. Ritsu pouted and held her arms for an embrace. Mio smiled in respond and, with all her safety gear on, waddled towards Ritsu like a penguin to give a hug.

A few minutes later, Mio and Ritsu were off to the Park on their hexacycle. Mio had chosen to ride but since there was little space on the six wheeled vehicle, Ritsu had obliged to tie her red toy wagon to the hexacycle and be dragged along. Again Mio had gave in to her partner but that didn't stop her from sweating like a human sprinkler and looking back to see if Ritsu was alright every half minute.

"I'm fine Mio" Ritsu eventually said, a little irritated "It might actually better if you kept your eyes on the road as opposed to me"

Mio didn't respond but knew that Ritsu was right. However, she also couldn't help looking back at the pant-less memester. It was a mix of geninue concern and well-toned tanned legs that beckoned Mio to look back at her partner.

There wasn't much to look at on their way to the park, so Ritsu ended up trying to strike up some conversations with Mio. Albeit a lot of them were pretty stupid but Mio still enjoyed the company.

"Umm Mio, what exactly are your thoughts on Yui's relationship, you know…with Giita?"

"Well I'm gay and you're gay, so if Yui wants to marry an instrument that's fine as well. Although, how would Yui know that Giitah would share the loving feelings as her? Giita is still a guitar after all?"

"I dunno Mio, but the bigger question would be how does Yui know that Giita is male. Can guitars have pe…"

"Enough of this conversation, Ritsu".

The two continued their journey to the park, with Mio on the hexacycle and Ritsu in the wagon. The girl in the wagon got a little bored so she opened up her phone and play some Pokemon Go. After the game took approximately a year to load (not really), Ritsu let out a yell of triumph from her wagon when a particular Pokemon popped up on her radar.

"Oh Hell Yeah! I caught a Snorlax!" Ritsu shouted.

"Hey, that's pretty good!" Mio said with a small smile on her face. Honestly, Mio wasn't a fan at first of the mobile game, but soon played it so that she had something to do with Ritsu. She seldom played it, but appreciated the game nonetheless.

"I'm gonna name this sucker Mio-chan!" Ritsu shouted again.

And with that, Mio's smile drooped to a frown.

Because the hexacycle wasn't the fastest of vehicles, especially with Mio having to pull Ritsu's weight as well, the two were still far from the park even as noon hit. Mio had begun to give up on going to the park, a little disappointed but at the same time happy that she got to spend sometime with Ritsu despite the latter's constant bickering and yelling out of stale memes. The two soon stopped by a nearby ice cream parlour, sitting on the nearby pathway after getting some frozen treats.

Mio looked over to Ritsu, who was concentrating on finishing her ice-cream after challenging Mio to a race of who could finish their frozen treat first. At one point, Ritsu had put an entire scoop in her mouth and began to choke on it until the ice cream melted.

"Hey Ritsu…I know we don't really spend much time with each other but I just wanna to say?"

"…I love you? Am I right, Mio?"

"Yes…as right as I am left, Ritsu"

"Mio, that makes like ZERO sense but I know what you mean. Listen, I know that I don't really spend much time with you and sometimes, just like I do, you question how could you be with someone like me…but it's just what you said before, I'm your knight in shining armour."

"Ahh Ritsu, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. Sometimes I get scared about us…scared that I'm losing the woman that I fell in love with"

Mio began to tear up a bit and Ritsu felt a slight sensation in her throat as she tried to hold back some tears provoked by her partner.

"Don't worry Mio, she's still there." Ritsu whispered into Mio's ear "Here, I'll prove it to you."

Ritsu turned Mio's face to face her's, moving for a kiss. However, in the distance, Ritsu heard the claps of slippers slapping against the pavement and someone's speakers blaring out "Where The Hood At?" by DMX. She turned to see a girl her age running down, with tears in her eyes, while half of a familiar face (the bottom half was concealed with a cat-pattern bandana) chased her off with a segway and gat in hand.

"Oh hai Azusa!" Ritsu shouted as she waved at the person driving the segway.

"Azusa?!" The person on the segway said in surprise as she directed herself towards Ritsu. "Can you please call me AZ Twintails when I'm out like this, Ritsu?"

"So you've gotten a name change?"

"No not really, it's just that I want to seperate the usual 'me' from 'this'. I don't want Yui-senpai to know about this."

"But you know right? Yui's dating Gitah."

"I know that and, as weird as it is, I guess I'm getting used to it. That doesn't mean I don't want Yui to be my friend though, I'm worried all 'this' might change what she thinks of me. Sometimes, I wonder to myself why I would let a lifestyle such as this oen choose me."

"Well Azusa…I mean AZ, why did you let it choose you."

"Ritsu, how much did you think Jazz musicians get paid these days?"

"Umm…not much?"

"Exactly."

It was now a while now since Ritsu and Azusa had been talking, the woman being chased by the segway was out of sight, and since Ritsu tried to give Mio that kiss. Mio now felt a bit dejected but didn't grieve over it as much as she usual. Possibly it was because now she knew that, despite the lifestyle she lives now, the woman Mio fell in love with was still within Ritsu. It just seemed a case that Ritsu had let internet phenonmena get the better of her and that fact that the people surrounding her were pretty bloody weird as well.

There were lots of questions that Mio wanted an answer for right now. How did Ritsu become the memelord that she now is? Why did Yui elope with her Guitar? Why is Azusa a low-key gangster now? Why do many people, Ritsu included, place Mugi on such a high pedestal? In fact, where was Mugi at all? How would she fit into all of this?

Indeed, a lot of things were on Mio's mind right now but she didn't let them bother her at the moment. She had one thing on her mind and had found an opening for that one thing…

Mio wanted to be with Ritsu and rediscover the pineapple she fell in love with.

"Hey Mio, you still there?" said Ritsu, who was for some reason now behind Mio. Azusa seemed to be out of sight as well, although the loud crackling noise of gunfire could still be heard in the distance.

"Yes Ritsu, what is it?"

"Lol Mio, I just realised this now but...you wanna have sex with a fruit ahahaHaHa"

"BAKA!" Mio shouted before slam jamming Ritsu in the head, forming a giant bump on the latter's head.

"Ahh ouch Mio, looks like we've changed quite a bit but there are simply some things that do not change huh?"

"Yeah, I guess. I love you, Ritsu."


	3. Chapter 3

_A little warning here: There were originally audio cues where I hyperlinked to some songs that would be playing in the background on the Tumblr version of this. They're still here, but I can't hyperlink them._

 **Houkago Meme Time III: Azusa and Yui do some Gangsta Shit Part 1 (Minor K-On High School Spoilers)**

After a long night of fingering Gitah (by fingering I mean playing you pervert), a dazed Yui Hirasawa with bed-hair that made her look like that time she put a fork in a toaster but survived (because she's Yui goddammit) was quite surprised when received a phonecall from a certain twintailed girl.

"Hi Yui, it's Azusa speaking"

"Yo Azusa"

"I've heard that Ui is too sick to come out today, am I correct?"

"Yeah she is, but I don't know what to do. I mean I've tried learning some programming to help her, but it seems like User Interfaces and Ui are two completely different things."

"What the hell Yui? Anyway, she should be fine but I'll need you to come with me today to do some shit."

"What kinda shit, Azu-nyan?"

"Some gangsta shit"

* * *

Meanwhile in the Tainaka-Akiyama household, Mio had woken up and walked into the lounge to find a Ritsu Tainaka, completely nude aside from some boxers and high as the price of Sawako's POS guitar that they found in the attic once, sitting on the couch and looking up into the ceiling.

"Is this the real life, or is this fantasy?" said Ritsu

"No it's just the fire alarm going off because she you're smoking weed in the house again" replied Mio.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP! AYO, YOUR ROOF IS ON FIYAH!" said the Fire Alarm

"Shut up fire alarm" said Mio before punching the fire alarm, which proceeded to explode.

Ritsu, with eyes bloodshot, turned to face her fellow homodachi. It wasn't unusual for Ritsu to light a joint for breakfast but since Yui has been unable to come over because of Gitah, she had more of the stash to herself than usual.

"Mio, I think they coming to get me."

"Who exactly is they, Ritsu?"

"What do you mean who? Obviously the imuginati"

"The imuginati?"

"Yes, the imuginati!"

"The i-MUGi-nati? Wow Ritsu, looks like the weed has gotten to your head."

"Well?! It looks like your watermelon boobs have gotten to your head, the imuginati is a thing Mio! They're real and they're comin' for us ni**a!"

"Where's your proof Ritsu, and your clothes as well? Actually..ignore the second part"

Ritsu seemed to galvanize into action upon hearing the word "proof" because she got up from the couch to confront Mio, face to face.

"You want your proof Meme-o? Well taking a fucking seat because shit's about to get spooky."

"Yeah whatever Ritsu" Mio replied nonchantedly, despite taking a "fucking" seat like the talking pineapple asked of her.

 **(insert suspenseful music here)**

Tsumugi Kotobuki

Tsumugi Kotobuki has 15 letters

Tsumugi Kotobuki also serves cakes

Cakes

Cakes has 5 letters

15 divided by 5 is three

Triangles have three sides, cakes are also served as triangle slices

Concidence I think not?

The cake that mugi gave you had three sides and one strawberry that was stolen as you cried like a little bitch

Strawberry has ten letters, do you know what else has ten letters

illuminati

The illuminati has three sides and one eye

Your cake had three sides and one strawberry

And who served you the cake?

None other than Tsumugi Kotobuki

Therefore Tsumugi Kotobuki is the illuminati

Therefore imuginati confirmed.

"Ritsu, what the fuck?"

"What do you mean Miiiiiooo? We gotta get outta here!"

Mio simply could not believe the rubbish that her wife and her weeded out brain har spurted out, by she ought to play along with it if it meant Ritsu was willing to go out. She wanted to bring back the Ritsu she had fallen in love with, so opportunities like this were not to be squandered.

"As much as I don't believe you, honestly how can I resist the opportunity to go out with you?" She said.

"Yeah yeah Mio, just put this on" Ritsu said, handing Mio a peculiar piece of headgear.

"Tin-foil cat ears aye? I'm guessing you want me to put these to protect from ESP or some crap like that."

"No Mio you dummy, you're meant to put it above your lips like a mustache."

"W-why though? are you mocking me?"

"Mio, as much shit as I would give you on the usual day, a time like this isn't a time to mess around. Besides we need this to summon the Pineapple Express!"

"The P-pineapple E-express?"

"You know, my pineapple-shaped train. Oh yeah, you passed out when I summoned it in the first episode didn't you?"

Without another word, Ritsu put on the tin-foil cat ears like a mustache, tied her hair into a smol ponytail, and proceeded to puff up her face with rose red cheeks, thereby making her best impersonation of a pineapple. It was approximately 69 seconds before the Pineapple Express crashed through the a wall of the Tainaka-Akiyama residence

"HOW'S IT GOING BILLY MAYS HERE" shouted the Pineapple Express, which had grown a mouth for the particular purpose of shouting stale memes.

"Oh wow, we really do have a problem with stuff shouting out random shit huh, Mio?" said a somewhat surprised Ritsu (who had forgotten that she install a mouth into her Pineapple train, because she was obviously high as shit when she did it) "But doesn't matter now, get in the pineapple before you get your ass handed you by emperor takuan pickles, Mio!"

Mio didn't say anything and simply obliged, entering the pineapple shaped vehicle.

* * *

It was around this time that Yui had gotten inside Azusa'a gangster van, clad in baggy trousers, Ui's trademark fish scarf (That Yui brought, mind you), a black hoodie and sky blue beanie that had "WAKABA TIL' I DIE" stitched in white block letters along the brim. It was inside this van, which was all Houkago blinged up like something out of "Pimp my Ride", the airheaded guitarist now interim gangster had met some familar yet foreign individuals.

Obviously there was Azusa Nakano, now known as AZ Twintails.

There was also Jun Suzuki, now known as the Notorious J.U.N.

Beside Jun there was Sumire Saito, Mugi's slave who quit the slave life for the thug life (the act of trying to steal back the tea-set of the almighty Tsumugi Kotobuki was proof that the thug-life chose her). She was now known as Sleazy-S.

Finally there was Nao Okuda, who didn't have a gangsta alias because she was completely useless.

"Listen Yui, you might know Jun and I but you can't refer to us as those names while we're like this. As for you, you're replacing Yui so we'll be referring to you as U-Pac."

"Okay Azunya- I mean AZ Twintails"

Usually, Azusa wouldn't have Yui join in on her gangsta activities seeing as she had actually had the intention of HIDING this part of herself from her senpai. After all, what would Yui think of her after finding out she lived a life of crime? Would Yui actually be able to reciprocate the feelings of love that Azusa has towards her the Hirasawa girl if she knew that Azusa was a delinquient thug?

Like that matters now, thought Azusa, my chances at love have been squandered by a goddamn guitar.

In all honestly, Yui had not thought much of Azusa being in a gang which may have come down to her sheer airheadedness or the fact that she couldn't say much as she was in an intimate relationship with a musical instrument. Yui looked up Azusa, who was driving the van with eyes directly focused on the road, and flicked through her phone to that message that Ritsu sent her the other week. It was a fateful reminder of the day that Yui found out the truth about her kouhai:

 _ **Ritsu: yo yu-ster wtf man bro like I was going on a bike ride with mio the other day and we happened to come across azusa but stronger because she's a gangster. SHE'S A FREAKEN GANGSTA d00d!111!**_

 _ **Yui: k.**_

 _ **Ritsu: yo anyway do you know if gitah has a donger m8?**_

 _ **Yui: pls no RITSU like wtf bruh. Gitah is my pure cinnamon roll why would you asK sUCH things about him?!**_

With "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC blaring from the van's stereo set (with subwoofer), Jun could be seen ripping a mad bong while Sumire reloaded some guns and Nao was bloody useless as usual, Azusa looked over at Yui and the Wakaba gang for a brief second before turning back to the roadd.

"So today everyone, we're going on a manhunt again. It's those Love Crysis kids again, they haven't learnt their lesson from the last beating"

"Yare yare, Twintails" said Jun "We going after them again? Also is that a giant pineapple behind us?"

"Like I said Notorious, they didn't learn their lesson from last time. You know how much I hate incorrectly spelt names and shit, it's the reason why I started this gang, but these Love Crysis punks are taking it a step further. You know how they spelt Crisis with a 'y' instead of an 'i' before? Well this shit is more criminal. I don't know how the hell I say this but now they're spelling their name as "❤️ 😭-SIS". Like for f's sake, it's like they trying to trigger me!"

"That's that a piece of crocka-shit y'all" said Sumire, who kinda had a southern accent for some reason "I say we beat their asses once more"

"Exactly Sleazy, we're gonna show them what happens mess with the gang comin' straight outta Sakuragaoka!"

"YEAH BOII!" everyone shouted in unison. Despite not knowing what the hell was going on, Yui also raised her fist in the air and let out a loud "YEAH BOI". According to what Azusa had said next, the plan was to:

Try and find the Love Crysis kids walking along the street.

Get out of the van and onto the segways stored in the bonnet.

Come up to them and beat their asses.

At that moment, Mio and Ritsu were still driving along in the Pineapple Express with some sick wubs by the likes of S-Club 7 blaring from the sound system. A while back, the two homodachis had found Azusa's van and begun following it (how Azusa wasn't yet aware that she was being tailgated by a giant pinepple is beyond me honestly).

"Ritsu, what are you doing? Stop bothering Azusa, I thought we were going to the beach!"

"But Mio, what if Azusa can help us fight off the imuginati? Plus she's gangster now and therefore dank as hell"

"For the last time Ritsu, there is no such thing as the imuginati! How can you think Mugi is evil or anything?"

"Want me to go through the proof again Mio. Well then… Tsumugi Kotobuki has 15 letters…"

"Just stop it please Ritsu."

From the time they left home to the moment where they are now, Mio and Ritsu had been bickering about whether or not the imuginati existed among other topics like the Yui's relationship with Gitah, Sawako's mid-life crisis and pierogi dumplings. However, a cold breeze or an aura more like emanated throughout. It gave Ritsu the shivers.

"Mio, do you feel that? it's bloody cold I'm telling you"

"Why yes it is cold my Ric-chan, although it'll help if you actually put clothes on before you left. As much as I like your body, you can't go around like that in public" Mio replied, taking off her hoodie and handing it to Ritsu.

"Yeah yeah, but this isn't any regular wind, it's something much more eerie. She' near Mio…Mugi is coming to get us."

Mio raised an eyebrow. "Are you still high, Ritsu?"

"Yeah kinda."

"Yo AZ, it's those Love Crysis guys. They're waiting by the Ben and Jerry's"

"Good eye Notorious, we're gonna her and gank them on our segways. You okay with handling a gat, Yui?"

"E-eh? Like a Gun?!"

"Yeah no shit, Yui"

"Nao, shut up and don't talk to Yui like that. Let's just get on our segways"

About 50 meters away from the Ben and Jerry's that Love Crysis were loitering at, the Wakaba girls were all on their segways with #gatsoutforazusa charging towards the enemy, who were dressed demin jeans with suspends and trademark orange sweaters that made them look like sun-tanned minions. With the segways of the Wakaba girls being pretty damn noisy and whirring all the time, it wasn't difficult for Love Crysis to notice them coming.

"Yo, it's them Wakaba Girls again" said Love Crysis member #1

"Yeah, but I thought we were going to go eat, huh?" replied Love Crysis member #2

"No were weren't, BAKA! Anyway…umm…Hey AZ" said Love Crysis member #3 "Eat shit asshole, fall off your segway"

"No, not until you change your name I won't" retorted Azusa "Let's get them boys!"

* * *

"Yo Mio, isn't that Azusa's gang charging at those traffic cones?"

"Yes it is Ritsu, and don't you know those traffic cones"

"Oh Maki-chan? Yeah I do, but she's so trash she didn't even appear in the manga?"

Ritsu put her head more over the window of the Pineapple Express in order to see the battle unfolding. She cupped her hands and put them over her eyes, meaning that Mio had to hold her up for support in case she fell over. Meanwhile, that windy aura that Ritsu felt only grew colder.

"Mio, you naughty girl, having a bit of a grope and butt squeeze huh?"

"EEHH?" Mio screeched before letting go (Though honestly, Mio wanted to caress the pineapple a bit as well, even in public).

The lack of somebody holding her down as she leaned half her body through the window mean that she tipped over and fell through it, sorta like if you put all the weights on one side of a scale so it tips to that side. Mio didn't have a reflexes to pull Ritsu back, so the pineapple ended up outside the express and with a bump on her head. A panicked Mio let out another screech while Ritsu and her iron forehead shook it off.

"Wait a minute is that Yui?" Said Ritsu, looking at demonstration of gang-warfare and especially Yui, who has trying to shoot her gun but was too scared so she looked away whilst she did it. Unable to handle the recoil properly, Yui shots went everywhere and ultimately hit the following:

Love Crysis Member #1 in the left shoulder

Notorious J.U.N (Jun Suzuki) in the right shin

Sleazy S (Sumire Saito) in the stomach.

Nao Okuda (Nao Okuda) in the knee cap.

"WHAT THE FUCK YUI?!" The three downed Wakaba girls shouted in unison.

"Looks like it's just you and Ms. Airhead now, Twintails hahaha" boasted Love Crysis Member #2.

"It's still 2 on 2 dumbass!" Azusa retorted "How are you at an advantage?"

"Geez Azunyan, watch your language!" Yui shouted.

"Azunyan?! HAHAHAHA what a name Mark!" said Love Crysis member #2

"Goddammit Yui-senpai" muttered Azusa, slowly losing her will to live.

With one of the Love Crysis members down and three of the Wakaba Girls down as well, it was up to Yui and Azusa to win the war for them. However, it was then that Azusa felt an eerie aura similar to felt by Ritsu.

* * *

 **(Insert "Roundabout" by Yes)**

"Oh shit" said Azusa and Ritsu almost simultaneously. Despite being meters apart, they felt the same aura emanating throughout the hood.

"We gotta go now, Yui" Azusa whispered "something isn't right"

At the same time Ritsu was beginning to shiver real hard. Mio tried to ask what was wrong but couldn't get a response from Ricchan, who was uncharacteristically frozen in place.

"Azunyan! What's going on, why are we going? How about the others?"

"The others Yui…they'll understand why we're going when the time comes. Also I sorta expected you to screw up so the gun I gave you was actually a paintball gun. They'll be fine."

"What are you two doing" shouted Love Crysis member #2 as Yui and Azusa tried to flee the scene. " You leave me! You're not good. You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep."

"Yeah man!" gloated Love Crysis Member #3 (Who happened to pop outta nowhere) "What are you two cowards doing? Come fight us like real wo-"

It was then that a mysterious figure lunge forward, seemingly from 10 meters away, and gave a lightning quick punch to Love Crysis Member #3, crushing her jaw. Just like the others lying on the floor amongst puddles of blood (mostly from Yui's bad accuracy), she fell to the floor as the mysterious figure stood above her.

Love Crysis Member #3 pooped out a brick or two. "I'm fed with this world!" she shouted.

Yui and Azusa were still running but had witnessed the scene before them. Azusa was terrified and picked up the pace, dragging Yui along with her. All Yui could think was:

"Maybe that Love Crysis member would like to throw a Football in a Tuxedo with me one day…"

Mio and Ritsu, spectating from the pineapple expressed, wore shocked expression which looked like the faces of the Shyguys from Super Mario. The mysterious figure who just knocked that Love Crysis Member the F out remained still and had her back facing Mio and Ritsu. While they were standing still, it was easier to make out the figure.

From bottom up, they wore a pair of white Reebok Pumps, black chinos, a red Moncler jacket ala Drake's Hotline Bling with a bird's eye view picture of a cake on it, and what seemed to be a grey turtle neck under the jacket.

However, the feature that stood out the most was this person's long, wavy blonde hair.

"No Freaking. Way." Mio whispered. Ritsu just stared at the figure, fearful as the aura grew stronger and stronger.

"Mio, I told you."

There was no denying it, this person could only be one person.

"YUI! Just keep running we can't turn back! Shit's getting out of hand!"

The supposed lord and savior, the apparent leader of the Imuginati.

"I'm tired, I'm wasted…Don't touch me, motherfucker!"

Tsumugi Kotobuki.

"I'm sorry darling, but these girls are mine."

 **TO BE CONTINUED (someone stop me pls)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Houkago Meme Time IV: Azusa and Yui do some Gangsta Shit Part 2 (except it isn't really about Yui and Azusa because they had to run away and stuff)**

Previously on Houkago Meme Time:

\- Yui joins a gang as her sister's replacement

\- Ritsu looks to prove that the imuginati is a real thing (Spoiler alert: she is right)

\- Some other shit happens

* * *

Now, back to where we left off:

"I'm sorry darling but these girls are mine."

"W-who are you?! I kill you, you bastard!"

In an act of defiance and following in the footsteps of her favourite writer/director/producer/actor Tommy Wiseau, Love Crysis member #3 proceed to do

her chicken chirping shtick in an attempt to intimidate her opponent, the almighty Tsumugi Kotobuki.

"You're not good." Love Crysis member #3 said "You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep"

One swift blow was all it took for the Moogs to knock the chirper out.

Tsumugi Kotobuki, the self-proclaimed leader and founder of the imuginati, had not time to play around at this time and had thereby had looked to knock out anything in her way with her stronk arms. With the strength she had garnered from benching 500 with her Triton and a healthy, balanced diet (honestly, Ritsu and her dorito-chomping habits could probably learn a thing or two from the Moogs if she wasn't scared shitless). The feelings of anger and betrayal she had pent up for these past three months had finally driven her towards her quest to get the rest of the keionbu.

It was a tale of isolation, betrayal and five-seater bicycles. A tale that will be revealed over time (i.e. the author has not planned ahead and is simply writing on the fly, as always)

Tsumugi looked around and, to her disappointment, found that the none of her Light Music Club members were visible. Yui and Azusa already knew they were in plain sight of the blonde but Ritsu and Mio thought they were in the clear, looking on at the carnage beyond making haste towards the Pineapple Express like Yui and Azusa had done before. However, little did that they know that Mugi had her "Takuan senses" in full effect, and that she was able to easily sense the homodachis with the radar-like power of her eyebrows.

No longer seeing a purpose in being where she was, Mugi called upon her helicopter and headed back to her lair. Although, being the gentlewoman that she is, she had taken some bandages she brought in advance and spent the next hour or so treating the wounds of Jun, Sumire and the other people wounded on the ground before her.

"Oh my Sumire, why must you be involved in some petty conflict as this..."

She also took the unconscious body of her former servant turned street thug Sumire back with her.

* * *

It had been 30 minutes since they had seen what was now called the "Mugi Massacre", but Mio and Ritsu were still shaken by what had transpired before them. They were now in the Pineapple Express, speeding down the freeway and afraid that the Takuan empress might come to get them. Ritsu had to keep her eyes on the road and concentrate greatly on her driving (Pineapples are pretty hard to drive, you know, especially since it was now raining) so it was Mio who was looking out windows for Tsumugi.

"I never thought I would say this, but I think there is something up with Mugi-chan" Mio said "it's just like you said, Ritsu"

"She just knocked the fuck outta an entire gang, so what do you mean you "think" Mio?! Like I don't know what's exactly going on right now, but there's def some sketchy AF shit going on with Mugi."

"I know Ritsu, but still...I didn't think she had that much of a mean streak in her."

"Well, what do you think being the fifth wheel, can do to you Mio? Like Yui has Azusa and I have you..."

"It doesn't seem like that these days..."

"What you say, Mio?"

"Oh it's nothing...Baka Ritsu..."

Despite their worries, Mio and Ritsu didn't say anything for the rest of the trip home. The tensions of a distancing relationship and a rampant takuan pickle led to this silence.

* * *

To Ritsu's relief, Tsumugi didn't pop up for the rest of the evening but Mio spent most of that evening sobbing in the bedroom to "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M (and by R.E.M I'm talking about the American rock band and not that blue haired maid that everyone and their mother cosplays as at conventions). This greatly concerned Ritsu, who tried to shrug the concern off by playing a few rounds of Overwatch with her main/spirit animal . In her underwear only as well, mind you.

"It doesn't seem like that these days"...what does she mean by that? Ritsu thought to herself as she chomped down her doritos and killed the entire enemy team with her ult (Think they could escape the sheer power of her "NERF THIS!" huh?)

From then it was the regular routine of smoking the 9pm joint and watching one of the many variations of the academy award winning "Bee Movie". Tonight, Ritsu had decided watch the version where its the bee movie but another version of the film plays everytime "bee" is mentioned in the original (i.e. the one played first). Before it hit midnight, Ritsu took out the old whiteboard to try and assess the situation using good old Steiner maths (watch the video to get the reference please). With the Wakaba girls and Love Crysis very much destroyed by Tsumugi (Well, it was more of Yui being an inaccurate scrub in Wakaba's case), she realised that she needed to be the one to take care of the Moogs.

"They say that all men are created equal" Ritsu muttered to herself "but you look at me and you look at Mugi-chan and you can see that you statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another person, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But Mugi's a genetic freak and she's not normal! So I've got a 25%, at best, at beat her. Then you add the rest of the Imuginati to the mix, my chances of winning drastic go down. See at this showdown, against Mugi and the Imuginati, I've got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but Moogs, she has a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, because the Wakaba Girls and the others KNOW they can't beat her and they not even gonna try! (unfortunately)

So myself, take your 33 1/3 chance, minus Mugi's extra 25% chance and I've have a 8 1/3 chance of winning against the Imuginati. But then I take Mugi's 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one on one, and then add 66 and two thirds...percents, she has a 141 2/3 chance of winning against us. See myself, the numbers don't lie, and that spell disaster for you (Shit...)."

Having had enough of the mindless ramblings of the Big Bad, Ritsu Daddy, Mio decided to stop sobbing like that time Mugi stole her strawberry and headed downstairs to check up on all the ruckus.

"Ritsu, it's like 1.00am now. What are you rambling on about?" Mio said.

"I'm still worried about Mugi, Mio. And it's because of that, even after calculating my chances to be near fucking null, I think I should be the one to..."

"To do what, Ritsu?"

"...to confront and defeat Mugi..."

As much as she wasn't goody-goody with her pineapple wife right not, Mio didn't want Ritsu to go on with what could be considered a death wish. Honestly, she didn't know the extent of Mugi's power, but if the events of earlier were anything to go by, she was pretty damn powerful. However, she also understood why Ritsu wanted to face Mugi herself. Beyond wanting their thick browed friend to return to them (it had been months since they had the rest of the Keionbu had seen Mugi, they obviously missed her), Mio could tell that Ritsu wanted to find what had caused Mugi to change and that she was worried about the consequences of letting a force such as the Imuginati run rampant without resistance. She also didn't exactly know the intentions of the Mugi, but it would be dangerous to let things be and end up finding out first hand.

"Ritsu, I..."

"I know, Mio. You don't want me to do this, it's very much a death sentence in your eyes. But, even if I'm killed in a second or some crap like that, I still gotta try dammit! I don't know what Mugi is going to do to you and the others...and the thing is, I want the old Moogs back as well, whatever is out there now isn't her! I hope you understand, Mio..."

Don't Ritsu I already know, Mio thought, I want the old you back as well.

"I understand Ritsu, you're mine after all." Mio spoke in a soft, almost motherly tone "And the thing is, I wanna help you. Tsumugi is my friend as well after all."

Screw it Ritsu, if this is the only way I can get close to again, I'll do it.

The usually memetastic pineapple was now of the serious and solemn variety. Upon hearing her wife's offer to help, she looked up at her with small smile which quivered as she began to tear up as well. Remaining silent, Ritsu got to her feet and hugged Mio, crying sobbing into the raven haired girl's shoulder.

"Thank you, Mio" She said amidst sobs and tears.

"It's all good, Ritsu" Mio responded "Mugi and the others are my friends as well, after all. Friends help friends now don't they?"

Ritsu buried her face deeper into Mio's shoulder.

"I guess so" She said with a muffled voice "And you gotta avenge the loss of Strawberry-chan as well, don't ya?"

"Of course, but for now we have to rest. You're still mostly nude by the way."

"Mio, you know as much as I do that doesn't matter."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I've got you to warm me up silly! Especially if we wanna rough it up a bit."

"For Ton-chan's sake, Ritsu put some clothes on."

* * *

The next morning, a particular air-headed guitarist and her gangster kouhai were outside the doorstep of the Akiyama-Tainaka household.

 **KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

"Geez Yui-senpai, no need to knock so damn loud!"

"But Azunyaaannn, this is an emergency!"

"Still Yui-senpai, I've in as much as a dilemma as you are, but a greater dilemma would be not letting somebody get the recommended 7 - 8 hours of sleeping because your door knocking woke them up."

"What the hell, Azunyan?"

As Yui and Azusa waited for their knocks to be answered, the door swung openn to reveal a Ritsu Tainaka dressed only in a bedsheet wrapped around her.

"I'm guessing the same shit's happened to you guys? Looks like my weed stash was broken into last night. Thank god I still have the backup I hide in my drumkit."

"It's a disaster Ricchan!" Yui said, on the verge of tears "My Giita! HE'S GONE!"

"And for me" said Azusa "the thief had gone off with Sleazy S"

"Who?"

"Sumire. She's the only reason I can afford my firearms and shit."

As Ritsu and the pair of Yui and Azusa remained still in an awkward silence, the sounds of feet rushing up the stairs and drawers being opened could be heard quite clearly.

"OH FUCK, MY PANTIES! MY 'SPECIAL' PICTURES FROM RITSU! THEY'RE GONE!" shouted a certain bassist from the confines of her bedroom.

"Welp, looks like Mio has realised what has happened" Ritsu said nonchalantly "oh wait, did she also say those special pictures were gone? OH SHI-"

At about 10.00am, the four remaining members of HHT gathered around the lounge room, with three of them trying their best to ignore Ritsu's clothes sprawled all over the floor.

"Umm...I'll put those away later" was the drummer could muster as a response.

Anyway, the four had gathered because of a letter that each of them received from an unidentified source. The letters were nearly identical to one another, albeit with different names for the receivers and Yui's copy being frayed around the corners because Yui.

The letter had read as followed:

 _Dear Ritsu/Mio/Yui/Azusa_

 _You have received this, hopefully with the knowledge that what is probably your most prized material possession has been taken from you for the time being. There is no need to worry over such actions, nor to panic over the possible loss of your posessions, they are in safe hands for the time-being._

 _Now you may be asking yourself, who is this letter from and why would they bother with stealing my possesions? Well to answer your questions:_

 _1\. I currently cannot not tell you how I am right now, although I have the feeling it would also be pointless to do so as you more than likely know who I am, we have had our meetings MANY times before all._

 _2\. I need you and everyone else I have sent this exact letter to to confront me. Not one, but all. Taking what is seemingly most important to you (aside from each other of course, or else I wouldn't be able to have my fun with you) is my way of saying "you better do what I say or else."_

 _Anyway, there is the opportunity to get back what I have taken from you but it is not without a challenge. In the following four locations and dates, you'll be able to acquire you items one by one:_

 _1\. Sakuragaoka High School at the 1st of June, starting from 1.00pm (Although I recommend that you turn up an hour or two beforehand)_

 _2\. Love Crysis Headquarters, any day and time from this point onwards._

 _3\. The Local Music Store, any day and time from this point onwards._

 _4\. The location based on these coordinates 35.6586° N, 139.7454° E, 31st of June starting from 12.00am_

 _It is at these locations that you'll be able to obtain your much sought after items. However, it is not without any challenge because that wouldn't be fun, now wouldn't it?_

 _Best of luck to you all,_

 _Whom who shall not be named._

"Soo, it looks like we all gotta do this together" said Azusa.

"Very much so" Replied Yui.

"So pretty much, what's she saying is..." Ritsu replied "We're all in this together?"

"Together, together, together, everyone!" Yui began singing.

"YUI DON'T YOU DARE START SINGING THAT SONG YOU SKINNY FATASS!" shouted Ritsu, making the genki guitarist effectively STFU.

"But still, it's looks like back on the road guys. HTT is back in business, well without Mugi."

"I guess so Mio, but instead of playing songs, we'll be...kicking ass I guess?"

"Honestly Azusa , I don't know what lies ahead of us. But who wants to place bets on who's going to die first?"

"EEHHH RITSU?" Everyone but the pineapple shouted in shock.

"Heh, I'm just kidding guys. But still, where should we start?"

"Well tomorrow, is the first of June, so we going back to school?" Azusa suggested.

"Ah shit, I hope Sawako still doesn't hate us after what we did that one time."

"Ritsu, that was like a year ago" Mio replied "I doubt she'd remember, with teachers being so busy and all."

"But still, there is the possibility that she'll kick our ass as soon as she sees us."

"Want me to bring the rest of Wakaba as well just in case, Ritsu?" Azusa offered.

"Just as along as Yui is 100m away from a fire at all times, I guess so."

And with that, it was decided that the Ritsu the shining memer, Yui the genki guitarist who wanted her husband (Giita) back, Azusa, who wanted her most valuable gang member, and Mio, who needed her panties and pictures back or else she'll explode of embarrassment, would embark on the quest to stop the Imuginati and hopefully bring the now almighty overload Tsumugi Kotobuki back to earth.

To confirm their commitment to the task at hand, the girls went into a huddle and into a rocket ship to have a lesbian space orgy.

Yeah, you wish.

What they actually did was go into a huddle and do that one thing where everybody puts a hand into the center and raises it in unison (I don't know what it's called but I'm sure you've seen it somewhere before so whatever) before shouting "K-ON! FIGHT-OH!".

For the rest of the day, they wound back the clock and did absolutely nothing but drink tea and eat snacks all day (Since Mugi wasn't there, they had to settle for Krispy Kreme donuts instead of the overpriced cakes they usually eat). Honestly, that would be too boring to describe in more depth so we're gonna end it here I guess (Sorry not sorry for the crappy way of ending)

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Chapter 5

**Houkago Meme Time V (V for very bad): The Imuginati Arc - Samidare 21 Love Street Part 1**

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

"Azunyannnn, why are you knocking so hard? Didn't you tell me off about that yesterday? After all, like you said, a minimum of 7 - 8 hours of sleep everyday is required for a healthy fighting body!"

Yui proceeded to grunt and flex her arms as she made muscleman poses like Hulk Hogan, brother. Azusa just looked at her, facepalming and suffering from secondhand embarrassment even through the street was mostly empty.

"Yui, do you know what day it is today?"

"Oh, it's the first of June what about it?"

"Well first of all we have a challenge to complete and also..."

Azusa gave her senpai a little pinch on the cheek and a nudge on the shoulder.

Pinch and a punch for the first day of the month, Yui!"

"Geez Azunyan, act your age!" Yui responded, with the most forced scolding voice utilised by a carbon-based lifeform in the known cosmos of the universe (On Youtube) "How old are you?"

"How am I meant to know? The author of this fanfiction didn't even bother to give us a proper year of setting so our continuity is all over the place."

The YuiAzu pair waited about 5 or so minutes before the door creaked open to reveal Mio Akiyama, dressed in her blue and write pinstripe pyjamas, carrying behind her a certain Tainaka Ritsu, who was in just in her underwear but still asleep and dreaming...or tripping, same difference.

"Sorry for the late response" Mio said, dragging her sleeping beauty by the arms before plopping her on the floor beside her. "We had a rather...busy night so Ritsu's a bit tired."

"Busy...heh, I'm surprised so you can still walk after I-" Ritsu laughed before falling back asleep.

"Ritsu, please. I only took your fatass to the gym to work off the nachos you ate, it was nothing like what you imply it is."

It wasn't long before Azusa's more punctual tendencies (AKA she is anal. Like seriously, she started a gang war with Love Crysis because the spelling of their name is incorrect) kicked in and she began freaking out over the time. To say she was just concerned would be an understatement.

"MIO, WAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKING PINEAPPLE UP BECAUSE DON'T YOU KNOW TIME IT IS MEME-O?! IT'S LIKE 11:30 AND WE GOTTA BE AT OUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL BY 12! DON'T YOU SEE WHAT A DILEMMA THIS IS AS WELL?!"

"I swear to Ton-chan, Azunyan, you need to calm down" Yui replied to her fired up kouhai.

"Yeah Azusaaaaa" Ritsu said, rubbing her eyes as she got to her feet groggily. "You need to calm you tits, if you have any"

"It's not like you can talk Ritsu!"

Azusa soon calmed down from her little outburst, but it was true that time was quite a concern at the current moment. The letter they had gotten from Tsumugi recommended them to be at Sakuragaoka by 12pm, but it was quickly approaching 11:30am according to Azusa's watch. To address this and save time, Mio and Ritsu had a quick 2-3 minute shower...together. Mio had also saved going through her wardrobe by putting on one of Ritsu's singlets (An Indian yellow one with a pineapple print) as well as a pair of her wife's black shorts; Ritsu worse the usual Supreme sweater and underwear combo.

It was 11:45 when the Light Music Club (sans Mugi) gathered around the table to discuss what was required of them today and how they were going to the school. Ui "U-Pac" Hirasawa had come by on the request of Azusa to provide assistance and a flyer about a baking contest that was to happen at Sakuragaoka High School.

"So I'm guessing this is what we need to do today?" said Azusa as she inspected the contents of the flyer, seeing that the contest had a starting date of about 1:00pm and that stalls for entrants will open at about 12:00pm. It had sounded like a free-for-all where the students and general public could hire a stall and join at anytime. The dates also aligned with those specified by Tsumugi so this must be what they need to do.

"Baking huh?" Ritsu replied, with ears perked up "I've been baked quite a bit recently but it's been a while since we've baked, huh Mio?"

The prospect of baking had caused Ritsu to reminiscence a bit about better times. It was a while back, about a year to be exact, that Mio and Ritsu ran their own cafe appropriately named the "Mitsu Sweet Tea Time". It was at this cafe that Mio and Ritsu (as co-owners) baked such treats as the Buchou Bun (A variant of Melon Pan that was pineapple flavour and filled with pineapple custard as well), the Curry Nochi Rice Pan (A deep fried Curry bun with rice as a side dish) and the magnum opus, the pineapple shaped Ritsu Tai-yaki. Mugi had provided the funds and served the tea and coffee while Yui and Azusa served food and performed on Friday Nights as the inseparable duo YuiAzu. To add to this, the HTT gang also free dinners to people on their birthdays and performed here and there at the cafe as well.

Hearing the word "Baking" also caused Mio to remember fonder times as well. Times where Houkago Tea Time worked but also had fun together, times where it seemed like her and Ritsu were more together. It wasn't until Ritsu discovered internet memes and the incident with the bike that things fell apart.

In short:

 _Ritsu became more engrossed into meme culture._

 _Tsumugi stopped funding the cafe and it quickly went out of business. Starting a cult to allure the attention of your friends was obviously the next natural step._

 _Unemployed, Azusa assumed a fail career as a Jazz musician before turning to the thug life. Yui went back to being a NEET who sat on her skinny fatass all day, but at least she wasn't too busy to spend time with Gitah anymore._

 _Mio only became more distant as her wife and friends became occupied with their own things. There was that one time where she used her lefty fair money to unite them briefly at that studio, but read Chapter 1 if you wanna see how that turned out._

Azusa noticed that Mio and Ritsu were dozing off into the distance, remembering their times at the cafe. It seemed like the big AZ was the only one who forgot about those days, because Yui was dozing off as well.

But that could have just been Yui being Yui.

"Dammit Senpais!" Azusa shouted, snapping her fingers to wake her three seniors up "No time to doze off now! It's 11:50pm, we gotta figure out how we gonna get to the school and get a move on!"

"Oh shit, right. We need to figure out this transportation stuff" Ritsu said, a bit shaken.

"OHHHHH!" went Yui, popping up behind Ritsu "We could take my car!"

"No!" replied everyone who wasn't named Ui Hirasawa.

"U-Pac, how about we take the Wakaba van?" suggested Azusa "It should be available, shouldn't it?"

"Unfortunately no, AZ" replied Ui "Jun's taken it for some modifications after it was trashed by Tsumugi-san"

"Shit..." said Azusa "also before you say anything Mio, we are not taking your hexacycle."

Mio seemed surprised that Azusa brought up the Hexacycle but then again, she did see it when she took Ritsu out for a bit. "I wasn't going to suggest it" Mio said "It can only fit two people at most. Also, you don't need to go by your gangster names, we know who are you are, Ui and Azusa"

It was then that the crew began rubbing their chins and scratching their heads, Yui making the famous "Thinking Man's Yui" face. The only exception was a certain Ritsu Tainaka who left her seat and faced her peers by the door.

"I believe you're leaving out one option" Ritsu shouted as she pointed a finger at everybody else sitting by the table.

"Ritsu, no" Mio crossed her arms and replied "We're not going with that"

"Well it's either that or Yui's car."

Mio cringed at the idea of being in Yui's car, which smelt of sickly perfume. Yui yelped and let out an audible "Hey!" as Ritsu insulted her automobile.

"Ok, fine then. We'll go with you idea". Mio surrendered.

It was then that Ritsu tied her hair into a smol ponytail and put on her customary headband mustache, doing a dance like she was preparing for a Z-Move to summon her beloved Pineapple Express

"Presenting the PEN PINEAPPLE APPLE EXPRESS!" Ritsu then screamed before puffing out her cheeks and pressing her hands against them.

Azusa sighed "That's a shit name you got there..."

Within seconds, the Pineapple-shaped vehicle crashed through the walls shouting "I AM BUCHOU"

Mio facepalmed while Ui and Yui were all sparkly sized over the fruity vehicle.

"You're paying to fix the wall, Ritsu" Mio sighed,

"It's so cute!" Yui squealed.

With this being the first time she has seen it up close, Azusa was impressed yet baffled when it came to the Pineapple Express. However she didn't have time to question things, er watch indicated that it was approaching 11:50am.

* * *

At about 11:52, HTT and Ui Hirasawa had boarded the Pineapple Express. Everyone seemed ready to go until Yui's stomach grumbled.

Azusa rushed her so Ui didn't have time to make a 3 course breakfast for her Onee-chan. In hindsight, Azusa realised what she had done was a mistake as indicated by her muttering the f-word under her breath.

"OOOOHH!" Yui moaned "Yui wants food!"

"Yui-senpai, it can wait" Azusa said despite knowing her efforts to prevent her senpai from eating were pointless.

Like with her guitar playing, once Yui is hungry and focused on food she can't think about anything else.

"Feed me Azunyannnn" Yui moaned, her tummy rumbling with a magnitude of 9.1

Azusa could only sigh to herself. It was about 12:10pm now.

"Yui, Are you up for some donuts?" Ritsu said from the front seat of the pineapple express. She clearly still had baking and sweets on the mind.

"OHHHH!" A reinvigorated Yui replied.

Azusa tried to turn to Mio to be the voice of reason, but it seemed that she was too stuck in her daydreams about baking to reply.

"Such sweet, very oven, wow" was all the bassist replied with.

And so it was decided, against Azusa's will, that the gang would have their brunch at the nearest Krispy Kremes which was about half an hour away from the Akiyama-Tainaka estate and about 40 minutes away from Sakuragaoka High.

Without some anime bullshit (hint hint), the crew would not be able to make the baking contest in time. Matters were made worse by the fact that the traffic was heavy.

"Ritsu-senpai, at this rate I don't think we'll make the contest in time. Can't we turn back" Azusa pleaded to the buchou who was now stuck in traffic.

"No can do, AZ" Ritsu replied "We gotta feed the beast first..."

"YUI HUNGRY, FEED YUI!" Yui shouted from the back, sitting in the middle seat next to an irritated Azusa and an indifferent Ui.

"That is true, but can't we eat something else or at least some place closer?"

"That I cannot do as well, Azusa. I'm honestly craving donuts myself and besides, we need some inspiration for what we'll be baking at the contest. Think of this of a club exercise"

"But Ritsu-senpai, we aren't in the light music club anymore. That was years ago."

"Ok then, see you next Tuesday."

"What?"

"Just be quiet."

Being in traffic for 15 minutes and only moving about 10 or so meters within that time, it was almost certain that that gang in the pineapple express would be bored. The only exception was Mio, who fell asleep and was probably dreaming about baking as well, and Ui, who is sleeping because I don't know what to write for her to be honest.

"Ritsu!" Yui shouted from the back "Put some dank jams on bro, I feel like singing!"

"A sing-a-long you say?" Ritsu replied with a shit-eating grin on her face.

"Goddammit please don't Ritsu-senpai" Azusa sighed. It was too late however as the instrumental for "24K Magic" was soon heard in the background and Yui and Ritsu began bellowing:

 ** _Yui and Ritsu:_**

 _Tonight_

 _I just want to take you higher_

 _Kick your cans up in the sky_

 _Let's set this party off right_

 ** _Yui:_**

 _Ricchan, smash yo' drum-set to this fuwa tune_

 _Bro, how blazed up are you?_

 _After School Tea Time magic in the air_

 _Jakka-jan you player!_

 _Uh, look out!_

 ** _Ritsu:_**

 _Yu-i, it's bro time (bro time)_

 _Show time (Show time)_

 _Guess who's back again?_

 _Nodo don't know? (Go on tell 'em)_

 _Sawa don't know? (Go on tell 'em)_

 _I bet they know soon as we walk in (Showin' up)_

 _Wearing maid outfits (ya)_

 _Houkago bling (ya)_

 _Tokyo's finest shoes (Whoop, whoop)_

 _Don't look too hard_

 _Might trip ya'self_

 _And show your panties that are white and blue_

 **Yui:**

 _Ric-chan, I'm a dangerous man with a ton-chan in my pocket_

 _(FUWA)_

 _So many pretty girls around me and we causing such a racket_

 _(FUWA)_

 _Don't say lazy, fix ya face_

 _Ain't my fault we be rocking_

 _(FUWA)_

 ** _Ritsu:_**

 _Hira-sawa, come on_

 _Play your Giita to this tune_

 _Bro, what you trying to do?_

 _After School Tea Time in the air_

 _Jakka-jan you player!_

 _Uh, look out!~_

"SHUTTTTTT UPPPPP" An awoken Mio shouted, channeling her inner Asuka. To Azusa's relief, song-time with Yui and Ritsu was now officially over.

* * *

It was about 12:45 when the gang finally made it to Krispy Kremes, with the traffic clearing up once they got to the fork in the road that lead to Krispy Kremes on the left side and a Love Crysis concert on the right. While Azusa was relieved that the not many cars went towards the left, she was also triggered by so many people going to the Love Crysis concert.

"It's one of those day where I can't win" Azusa said to herself, slowly losing her will to live.

At Krispy Kremes, Ritsu ordered 6 glazed donuts for her and Mio while Yui ordered the usual, which was a fucking big order if you think about.

"I'll take two number 9's" Yui started "A number 9 large, a number 6 with extra cream, a number 7, two number 45s , one with extra jam and a large milkshake"

"Umm...anything else Yui?" Replied the clerk, who talked with a familiar voice and had known Yui's name for some reason.

"Nodoka-chan?!"

"Yes it's me, Yui"

"E-eh?! What are you doing here?"

"Long story short, I have to do some detective work. The Wakaba Girls are on the loose again and one of their members, Notorious J.U.N was found to be a regular here. I'm hoping to see him here so I can bust his ass once and for all."

"Nodoka...I kinda hope you don't go through with this" Yui muttered to herself, quietly. It was obvious that Nodoka, who now aspired to be an undercover detective after finishing her degree in criminology, did not know who the Wakaba Girls really were and for that, Yui was concerned for her Azunyan.

"Did you say something Yui?"

"It's...nothing Nodoka-chan, just thanks for my order!"

"No worries, Yui-chan, see you some other time!"

It was then that Yui went back to the pineapple express after Ritsu told her skinny fatass to hurry up.

Despite the whole Krispy Kremes dilemma being over, with Yui and Ritsu enjoying their donuts with Ui and Mio, the fact that it said 12:55pm on her watch caused Azusa to freak the frick out.

"YOU GUYS!" she shouted "WE ONLY HAVE LIKE 5 MINUTES LEFT AND YOU GUYS ARE JUST SITTING ON YOUR ASSES. CAN'T WE GET A MOVE ON ALREADY?"

"Geez AZ" Ritsu replied as she assumed the Slav squat position and took a bit from a dount "Calm your tits...again"

"Yeah Azunyan, Ritsu's got this!" Yui added.

Ui could only nod. Honestly, she didn't know what the hell was going on.

"MIO?! Help me here...please" Azusa pleaded.

"We'll be fine, Azusa. No need to worry" said Mio.

"What the fuck, Mio?! It isn't like you to be so calm in a time like this? What happened to you? Did Ritsu drug you or something?"

"Oh right, you didn't tell her, didn't you Ritsu-Mitsu?"

"Tell me about what?"

"You'll see..."

* * *

It was about 12:59 when all the dounts were finished and at this point, Azusa was shivering like someone dipped her into a bath of ice (cubed not shredded). Seeing Azusa's worry, Ritsu let out a hearty laugh and took a bag of weed from the boot of the pineapple express. She then proceeded to mix some into a bottle of vodka, thereby making what she called a "Green Dragon"

"AHH FUCK RITSU?! YOU'RE GOING TO GET HIGH AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!"

"No you dummy, this isn't for me. It's for the big pineapple over here." Ritsu responded, pouring some of the green dragon into the Pineapple express' fuel tank.

"EEHH?"

"I recommend you get into the pineapple now Azusa, shit's about to get spooky"

Azusa was too shaken to retort with anything and just obliged by sitting inside the pineapple. The rest of the crew followed suit as well, putting their seatbelts on as well.

Mio and Yui were in on what was about to happen. Again, Ui was just tagging along so she had no idea what the hell was happening.

"Alright boys" Ritsu said from the front seat of the Pineapple Express "I present to you my latest modification to the Pineapple Express, the Tainaka High-per Drive!"

Ritsu pressed a button on her steering wheel and in a flash, the girls found themselves at Sakuragaoka. Everyone got out as if nothing happened except for Azusa, who was again shaken by what had happened.

"R-Ritsu, what the hell just happened?" Azusa asked.

"Oh that was the high-per drive kicking in." Ritsu boasted "With the help of a Green Dragon, it allows me to go anywhere in about..."

The drummer had taken the time to look at a stopwatch she had brought to test this new function of the pineapple express.

"...4.20 seconds" she finished.

It was at this point that Azusa felt much like Mio at the studio in that she stopped thinking and fainted. Despite it being strange that she had moved on to the thug life, this was strange beyond all reason to her. She simply could not take it at the moment, especially with the stress she put herself through.

"Yare yare AZ, we get here and you decide to die or something. C'mon we're here now, guess I'll get Yui to carry you or something. Oh. and also change your watch, it's an hour ahead."

Ritsu called over to her bro Yui to pick up the fainted Azusa. At exactly 12:00pm, Ritsu Tainaka, Mio Akiyama, Yui Hirasawa, Ui Hirasawa and Azusa Nakano arrived at their old stomping grounds of Sakuragaoka High.

Familar yet unfamiliar as they have not been here in ages, it was at this school that their fight against Tsumugi and her Imuginati would begin. With a fucking baking contest out of all things.

"Alright boys" Ritsu said, facing the school with her hands on her hips "It's time to get baked!"

Everyone else, even Azusa who had recovered a minute ago, sighed and facepalmed in unison.

"For Ton-Chan's sake Ritsu, you did not just say that" They replied.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
